Carb-Loading for Humanity: The Great Italian Potluck 1

Marathon runners carb-load before attempting something extraordinary. We’ll be skipping the marathon and proceeding directly to the carbohydrates.

This will be a grand culinary experiment. We’ll consume heroic quantities of pasta, bread, risotto, and tiramisu, then observe whether the resulting couch-bound stupor produces brilliant ideas capable of advancing humanity.

Probably not. But science demands sacrifice.

How to Advance Humanity Through Carbohydrates:

✅ Make a Firm Commitment to Attend
RSVP “Yes” only when you’re genuinely certain you can come. If you are still negotiating with your calendar, your spouse, or your commitment-phobic inner ravioli, please wait until everyone has reached an agreement.

🍝 Bring a Handmade Italian Dish
You do not need to be a great cook, own a pasta machine, or have a grandmother named Nonna. Choose an Italian dish and make it yourself as best you can. Simple, imperfect, and slightly lopsided creations are warmly welcome.

👥 Bringing a Guest? Bring Two Dishes
Every person attending should contribute a dish, so please bring two if you are bringing a guest.

⏰ Arrive on Time
Transporting food across Portland is already an advanced logistical exercise, so leave home a few minutes early. We want the pasta warm, the gelato frozen, and everyone present before the focaccia begins taking attendance.

🥤 Bring Your Own Beverage & Serving Utensil
Bring whatever you would like to drink, plus the proper utensil for serving your creation. Your dish should arrive completely ready to serve. Otherwise, your lasagna may be distributed with salad tongs and community optimism.

💬 Post Your Dish in the Comments Section
Tell us what you plan to bring so we can assemble a varied Italian feast. The comments are our only defense against thirty pans of lasagna arriving alongside one frightened zucchini.

📅 Need to Cancel? Tell Us Three Days Ahead of Time
If your plans change, update your RSVP at least three days before the event so someone on the waiting list can attend. Disappearing at the last minute leaves behind an empty chair, and a meatball that no longer believes in people.

Known Side Effects:
🍝 Measuring all future athletic achievement in completed ravioli.
🧀 Beginning to regard Parmesan as a basic human right.
🛋️ Setting a new personal record in competitive reclining.

Sign up now and prepare to carb-load for humanity. History may not remember what we accomplish, but the upholstery certainly will.